You Have To Start Somewhere …
January 16th, 2007
No one really wants to think of themselves as the “easiest option,” as the scapegoat, as the thing people will “settle” for when there is nothing else, nothing “better” for them to choose from. No one wants to be that. But so often we allow ourselves to be.
As women, we fool ourselves into thinking that the persistent man who is fervently pursuing us is doing so because he really likes us as a person, he legitimately wants to know more about us with a uniquely passionate interest (whose intensity is far stronger than the kind he shows for other women). We want to think he truly cares. When many times the fact is, he really just seeks us because there is nothing else for him to do. We could be any brunette with an ass, we could be any drunk girl, we could be anyone. He doesn’t want us specifically, and he certainly doesn’t want us the way we want to be wanted. He wants the easiest option, and the second we allow ourselves to be made that, is the second we give our integrity a big sloppy kiss goodbye.
As men, you would like to believe your ex is calling you, re-pursuing you, because she wants you distinctly, above all other men, because she has seen the light and knows that you are in fact “The One,” the perfect person for her to share her life with. None of you want to believe that she just wants a decent lay, or a sympathetic ear, or to feel adored and worshiped while her “real” man kicks her in the teeth with “taken for grantedness” and gouges at her with indifference. She just wants to feel special and revered and loved, and she knows you’re just the sucker to give it to her, she knows you’re the easiest option. The second you circum to standards of a relationship that are not ideal to you, is the second you send your integrity packing.
Without integrity we have nothing worthwhile. We do however have deceit, heart/head ache and paranoid, panic-ridden yearning. Without integrity we can never find peace, we can never find the truth and we can never be happy in our own minds. Without integrity we have less than nothing.
Sure, it’s really not all our fault; we are being deceived, persuaded and manipulated. We are being tempted, tortured and tantalize. We like to think we are the victims. We want to be the martyrs. We find comfort in feeling the hurt because it helps us to know we can still feel something. But my little loves, I’m here to tell you - it is you who deceives yourself, it is you who causes yourself this pain, it is you who really is to blame.
It is true, others should not take advantaged, others should not lie or mislead. But it is also true that they do, simply by virtue of being human. And knowing this, we must admit to ourselves that it has nothing to do with us personally, nor is it at all within our control. The only people we can control are ourselves, the only actions we can control are our own, the only mind sets we can alter belong to us.
Others will offer to contaminate us with their emotional poison and sickened actions. And it is our choice to be infected or to stay healthy. It is our choice to jump into this treacherous ocean of emotional despair and swim with the sharks or to stick to less voracious waters.
The whole problem is that people don’t respect themselves, so they choose to jump.
They don’t respect their inner divinity so they treat themselves as sub-human. But enough is enough. It is time we realize we are all pieces of something bigger (for the purposes of this post we will say “God” as you understand him/her/it). We are all part of something larger than we will ever be able to truly know in this life - pure perfection, knowledge and love. All of us.
You want to know “why?”
Why all of this awful shit is happening to you, why you can’t seem to catch a break, what is the meaning of your sorry, forsaken life - I’ll tell you.
To learn your lessons, to perfect your soul (for you and for “God”), to honor and respect yourself as you would honor and respect “God,” to honor and respect others as you would honor and respect “God.’
Just imagine if everyone lived that way how peaceful the world would be. If everyone was as reverent to themselves as they would be to an all knowing, all mighty being. If everyone was as humble and kind to others as they would be to “The Creator.”
If we honor the divinity in ourselves and in others, if we treat others as we would treat “God,” if we treated ourselves as we would treat “God,” we would never have to worry about being disrespected, hurt or abused, we could never allow ourselves or make anyone else feel that way either. No one would be made “the easy option.” We would understand the real meaning of respect, we would feel the true breadth and depth of love and we would no longer force ourselves to suffer, or allow anyone else to.
The meaning of life is love. You are here to love and protect.
If this is a foreign concept to you, please start with those who you care for the most and are sure are worthy of your love (in my case it is my family). Do right by them every time you are given the option. Sacrifice for them every moment you possibly can. Love them until it hurts your heart and tears well up in your eyes just thinking about it.
But if you understand the concept, then I challenge you to apply it to yourself (by far the hardest thing I have done, and the most difficult lesson I have ever attempted to learn). Love and protect yourself. Go to extreme lengths to make sure NO ONE (even you) is abusing you, every time you are given the option to take the low road (in which you will most certainly not respect yourself the next day) claw and scrape your way up the high road, every time you want to hurt yourself, or allow others to do it for you, simply refuse.
This is your life - take it back.
This is your time to be here - make it worthwhile. You will be remembered for the things you say and do - make it a legacy you (and those who love you) can be proud of. If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for your loved ones, and if you have none, then do it for God.
Make your actions match your desires. Make your words match your action and visa versa. Be consistent in this and you will be made whole. Be whole and you will live in love - even if it is only self love.
You have to start somewhere.