In All The World Only One

As a woman, when you reflect upon all the things you hope to be in your life: a raving beauty, a cunning wit, a savvy business person, a cultured, articulate citizen of the world, a dutiful daughter, a committed wife and a devote mother, you really need to look no further for a role model than Joyce Vignoles.

My roommate’s mother, a woman with the strongest individual style I have ever seen, who can speak as many languages as you can count on one hand, has put all three of her children through university, created and maintained several successful businesses and has seen more of the world’s wonders than most of us could ever dream.

And it is as one thinks of sayings such as; “aging like a fine wine” or “only getting better with age” that they becomes less of trite cliches and more of accurate descriptions when you apply them to Joyce. She embodies the grace, courage and acumen that can only be garnered with experience. But should an individual be without the inner fortitude to mold these attributes, they would be lost, but in Joyce’s case they were embraces and nurtured, leaving the rest of us to stand in awe of her many achievements and her incomparable strength of character. She is truly a blessing in the lives of all whom she touches! (And I’m not just saying that because she has helped to clean at least half of the apartments I’ve ever lived in, although she has indeed done that, and never once with a complaint, and never once expecting anything more than a simple thank you.)

Reader, I relate this all to you now, not even knowing her as well as others do, but I dare say, those closest to her, would without exception, absolutely agree.

Happy belated birthday and a merry Christmas Joyce!! May the world continue to learn from your example, and have the gift of your company for many, many years to come!

I had the absolute pleasure of hanging out with Marisa and her roommate, Elsa, early on Saturday night as they baked up a storm of awesome holiday cookies, with the delightful company of Chris Lea and Ms. Poppy, the little one Marisa has helped to raise for the past 3 years.

As I seem to have a knack for doing with all little kids in the 2-6 age range (probably because that is secretly my maturity level), Poppy and I bro-ed down, I shared my love for Prince with her, she shared her love for The Grinch Who Stole Christmas with me, we decorated a tree, ate a few cookies, it was really good times.

But as I struggled to make 4-year-old conversation (I’m a little out of practice), I asked Poppy what she wanted for Christmas she said a new goldfish, because her last one, Dorothy, died. She then asked me what I wanted and I made something unmemorable up, she proceeded to go around the room asking everyone what they wanted, and when she asked Marisa, the most awesome, truthful answer came out, “I want a husband, Honey.”

I didn’t think much of Marisa’s answer, other than it being super cute and funny and all, until I relayed the story to D over drinks and he asked me, “So is that what you want - a husband for Christmas? Of course my knee jerk response was to say “No!,” but the more I think about it, I wonder - is that what I want?

I mean I do enjoy all the perks relationships have to offer (ie. a good support system, someone to wake up with in the morning, consistent companionship, best of all, crazy condom-free sex that you can’t really have in casual relationships because you’d probably be branded a freak, etc.) and in former years I was quite good at the whole logistics of girlfriending, you know being nurturing, loving and fostering the growth of an “us” instead of just a “me.” - But a husband? That’s a serious commitment.

Although, the gravity of the union is the draw, right? The fact that it is (theoretically) forever, and because it is so substantial a commitment you can take bold action that you might not be able to do successfully otherwise like co-habitation, buying a home, having children, and anything else that it takes the security of knowing your partner will be around for a while to do. So I guess a part of me does want all that stuff and a part of me does want it now - A home, a family of my own, a dog, etc.

But what I don’t want is to jump into a relationship with all these expectations and wishes in mind, only to find out that this desperate desire for stability is really making me “put the cart before the horse.” I fear if I were to have a husband now (and this is probably a large portion of the rational as to why I don’t even have a boyfriend) I might just use him as a means to an end, when ideally I want to be crazy enough about him that he is the end, and the kids, home and dog are all gravy.

It has always seemed to me the happiest families I know are the ones built upon a solid marriage, with an almost fairytale love story at its core. Sadly, it takes the wonderings of a four year old to make me come to this conclusion, which is probably the most romantic thing my cynical head has thought in a long time.

It seems as though in life there are some things that are too uncanny, well timed and just generally perfectly planned to be a coincidence…my relationship with my roommate is one of those things.

Meeting Claire, a person with similar life experiences, core values, and overall mentality as I, has always seemed to be almost too well orchestrated to not have been the work of some higher power. Whether it was just us sitting around scheming on “the other side,” or the work of God, Azna, and/or Ganesha, someone or something clearly had a hand in our meeting and knew exactly what they were doing when they arranged for us to be thrown together in the dorms of UCSB.

Of course I know that our 7 years of friendship (which for at least 4 of them, we spent the majority of our waking moments, and almost all of our sleeping moments together) has had a lot to do with influencing our similar sense of humor, likes and lessons learned - making us probably the best suited “partners in crime” in the history of sidekickdom.

But truth be told, despite all of our similarity, we are VERY different people. Claire is spontaneous, romantic, low maintenance, optimistic, outgoing and adventurous, while I am much more conservative, high-strung, reserved (pre-cocktails that is), rigid and well, just generally boring. But it is these qualities that we bring to one another’s lives that make such a great team, and provide the proper balance.

I credit her, entirely with “pulling me out of my shell” and providing me the framework of confidence that has allowed me to make just about all the “gutsy” decisions I’ve made in my adult life. She has been the best confidant, catalyst and companion I could have ever asked for, and I feel beyond blessed to not only know her, but to be able to spend as much time in her presence as I have and continue to do.

The thing about my roommate is that it can sometimes be hard to look past the overwhelming sparkle of her public persona, and her striking good looks, to be able to see the truly deep, sensitive, ultra caring, talented and wise person below the surface, but once you do, you know you’re in the company of greatness.

And it is with this knowledge that I look so very forward to the year ahead of us and all the “happenings” we will be a part of, both together and separately. Happy birthday Roomie!! May we celebrate many more of them and many more years of friendship. Love you.com